5 DAYS OF SILENCE?!

hearondickson9
Aug 26
5 min read

Updated: Aug 28

I’m writing this on a plane, returning from an incredible 11-day adventure. It began in Charlotte, NC, where I met my youngest daughter, Caroline. Together, we drove across the country to Denver, her new home. Along the way we stopped in Nashville for live music, Kansas City for barbecue, and finally arrived in Denver with, as my grandmother used to say, “nary a cross word.” Perhaps more about this another time but we had a wonderful adventure which culminated with my first Red Rocks show.

The second part of my trip was a five-day silent meditation retreat at Spirit Rock, a well-known meditation center in Northern California. When I told people I’d be spending five days in silence, most reacted with wonder or amusement. So I want to share a little of the experience and some lessons worth carrying forward.

Life in Silence

Work meditation: Every participant at Spirit Rock gets a work assignment and, in fact, getting that assignment is literally the first thing one does after arriving. Each morning after breakfast, my job was to clean pots and pans with a partner, Ashley. We worked without a hitch in complete silence for four days. Our only words to one another came at the very end of our last shift: I held up my hand for a high-five and said, (shh, don't tell anyone!), "may I ask you a question?" She replied, "yes," and I asked her where she was from. She gave me that information and I did the same and that was our only verbal communication over the four days of working side by side.
Daily rhythm: We awoke each day at 5:45 AM to the sound of a gong. At 6:15 AM our group of 47 filed into the meditation hall for 30 minutes of silent meditation. Sitting with the group as the sun brightened the hall was my favorite part of the day. Over the course of the day there were eight such 30 minute sittings, with the last being at 9PM, three dharma talks (essentially lectures), one yoga class, and plenty of time to walk the hills of Marin County or simply find a place to sit in silence.
No phones or other technology: On the first day we held a “cell phone renunciation ceremony,” handing over our devices. In fact, the photo at the bottom is the only one I have, and was taken at the gate as we were leaving!

THIS REALLY HAPPENED

On the morning of the 3rd day, after finishing my kitchen duty, I had about an hour before our next group sitting, so I went on a hike on what is known as the "middle path." The path goes through woods and then enters a gorgeous meadow high above the campus. About 100 yards in front of me were 2 women standing still on the path. As I got to them I noticed that they were watching a coyote pup, who was playing about 20 yards away. We (silently of course) watched this for a moment and then I bowed...to signal I was cutting in front of them...and continued down the path. In two of the prior sessions one of the teachers had talked about our ancestors, and how our ancestors are always with us, form who we are, and are such an important part of our story. (note my reference to my grandmother, above). So as I continued down the path, for some reason, I started thinking about my parents, my grandparents, and other relatives when I noticed a shadow overhead: a huge heron flew over my head, landed on the path about 10 yards in front of me, and looked me right in the eye! Herons are my "spirit animal," obviously due to my name, and I truly felt that this was a message from those ancestors in that moment. As I continued walking he looked away and very slowly walked back into the meadow. Grandpa Fanning, Gan, Tata, Grandaddy Edgar, CF, Bill, Betsy, Aunt Bay, Stu, Nonno, Mom, Dad: I see you.

Four things I am implementing (maybe you can, too)

Cellphone usage. I am implementing these changes to my cellphone usage:
- Not looking at the phone in the morning until I have done some other things (see below)
- Dedicated time once per day for social media. I am not giving up social media, but I am not going to be on social media at random, multiple, times per day.
- Phone out of sight while eating, even while alone.
- Greater silencing of notifications.
Morning ritual. I absolutely loved that morning meditation. I was already doing this to a degree but I am going to formalize it: sit in silence for at least 15 minutes before coffee, internet, etc etc.
Meals. I eat like a person who will never eat again! My recently departed father in law, Nonno, loved food and was a very mindful eater. So much so that he almost always during a meal commented to me how fast I was eating. Why am I eating so fast and where am I going? We actually had a session on mindful eating but again the message to me is: Pause. Slow down. Be in THIS moment.
No cable or podcast news. The primary purpose of these is "entertainment." I believe enough said about that.

Two other big observations

Silence makes us pay attention. I hadn't expected this but it hit me in the dining hall on the last day. Due to the silence, people were AWARE: "Am I cutting in front of someone?" "is there someone behind me for whom I can hold the door?" Rather than retreating into ourselves, walking around like zombies (or looking at our phones!), it seemed people walked looking UP, aware of surroundings.
At the beginning the first yoga class the teacher, Jonathan, said something that I believe will stick with me: "I know that some of you self-identify as experts, but in this class I invite you to bring a beginner's mind." WOW, what a subtle way to ask people to check their egos and go with the slower flow of a class appropriate for all body types. But that is the specific message. The bigger message is considering how often we need to be the expert; how often we need to show people we are "right;" how often we give unsolicited advice. Getting back to the kitchen: "I SELF-IDENTIFY as someone who can tell you how to dry a pot, so do it this way." I suspect there are many of us who can benefit from this subtle message.

Final Thoughts (for now!)

We live in stressful times. Meditation and mindfulness give us tools to help us pause, slow down, become more aware, and approach life and each other with patience and kindness.

Here are a few ways to explore: